Friday, November 02, 2007

My Confession

So it's been some time since I have posted. Some things have been happening in our home that have brought me to the edge of my sanity. No, it's nothing life threatening or relationship threatening - it's just been a trial for me and has made me realize just how lonely I am here on my great SD Sunset Prairie. There are days it feels more like a dark valley. Don't get me wrong, I will NEVER look back and wish we were back in my mom's basement again but there are times that I just feel so alone. I know, I have my family - Bob is great and I don't know what I'd do without him or the kids - but a girl needs more than that, wouldn't you agree? It's been too long since I got to spend time with friends...dinner with Jennie and Janice, W*l*Mart and coffee with Kristin or even just grocery shopping with my mom. I guess my original euphoria of having my own home and starting a new chapter of my life has worn off and I now realize that I need something more. I need friendship. I need girlf*iends to laugh and cry with and talk to and listen to. Not that my bloggy friends aren't great, but I need more. I don't even want to go grocery shopping by myself anymore, I would rather take the kids (well, maybe only one) with me just so that I'm not physically alone.

I'm not looking for sympathy or anything, and no, I'm not depressed. Just looking for my place here in my SD Sunset, Small Town America where I can be myself. I think most of you know me well enough to know that I am shy. Shy enough that I have a hard time talking to people and I think sometimes others see me as stuck up or proud. Trust me, those things I am not...but how do I get past that and where does the courage to go up to someone else and introduce myself rather than waiting for them to do the same come from?

So, that is my confession. That's why I've had a hard time posting lately.

This is me.

8 Comments For Risa:

Amie said...

I remember feeling just like that when we moved here. Hopefully, you will find a church real soon (if you haven't already) where you can meet some great friends.

Anna said...

I agree with Amie, when I first moved here, I was so extremely lonely. It was really hard for a few years actually (years because I had no way of meeting people,no job and no church). But after I started going to school, things started to change and to this day I have a few really great friends that I am sure I will have for the rest of my life.:) But hang in there Risa, I know how you feel if you remember me, I too am not the overly outgoing kind of gal either:)

Anna said...

By the way glad to see you back in blog land:)

Jamie said...

Risa,
I know what it is like to move somewhere and no nobody. You feel so secluded and alone and wonder if you'll ever meet anybody. Sometimes you just gotta take even a half step... Are there homeschool groups around there? Even if there isn't a group, there's got to be at least one other homeschooler nearby. You could contact a state homeschool thingy (sorry, can't think of the word its late) and ask around. I'll be praying for you. I'm not real outgoing either...but sometimes you just gotta get your feet wet a bit and you meet some great people. Maybe even try the library... Praying!!!

Risa said...

Thanks guys! I guess I never realized that being "the new kid" doesn't change just because you are an adult!

We have found a church to go to but it is really small and most of the people that go to it are older than us.

We HAVEN'T found a HS group yet. I hear that there is one here in town but it's small and not extremely active. I have emailed the contact lady but so far she hasn't replied. There are 2 other families in our church that also homeschool but I haven't met them yet. Which is probably my fault for being quite - I guess they don't know I HS too unless I say something first!

Jodie said...

Aww, I'm not exactly outgoing either, so I know what you mean. You're so lovable though, I'm sure you'll find some new friends soon. Do you think you'll do part time work again?

Emily said...

I have been in my "new" town for 3 1/2 years now and still struggle with the aloneness I feel from not having anyone really, except my son. It is really hard to make friends as an adult.

mrs v said...

I know how you feel. Even though my friends and family aren't scattered all over the country, I still don't have that many friends, and hanging out with Levi, Brian, Jason, and Nate every weekend gets old. See if there's a local knitting guild that you could join. You like knitting, I'm sure it's relaxing for you, so maybe it'll help you past your shyness (the shyness that I have never in my life seen!). Miss you :)